Revealing my existence to the world...

Wow. This is kinda weird.

I tried this whole blogging thing a few years ago, and messed around and forgot my own password. I don't even remember the name that I used, but I'm sure the basic premise will remain the same.

I'm a writer (or an aspiring one, anyways), and as such, I keep a journal--an old-fashioned ink and paper journal, and ultimately trust that more than any kind of electronic logging as far as self-expression is concerned. For this reason I avoided blogging on my MySpace for a very long time--to this day, my blogs on there mostly consist of a series of personal, soul-searching, highly allegorical ramblings entitled "Wanderlust." At this very moment I'm having a slight struggle convincing myself that this whole blogging endeavor isn't some sort of vanity project. I'm not sure how much I'm willing to convey in this thing, how much of myself I'm willing to lay bare to the world, just yet. But as a writer, I do intend to have something I do published, someday. I suppose this isn't a bad place to start. I do kind of lament how easy it is to put one's self out there, to make one's self famous to some degree or another, what with things like this and YouTube and MySpace and such (sometimes I wonder if I'm some sort of closet Luddite).

Anyways, here's more or less what this blog is about:

I am, or am trying to be, a Christian, which is to say a follower of Jesus Christ. I was brought up with an evangelical, quasi-fundamentalist upbringing, "saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost-filled," and all the rest. I am presently challenging and reevaluating everything I believe, including my ultimate faith that God will bring me through all and show me His will. Amidst a very recent (and somewhat still occurring) Dark Night of the Soul, I find myself struggling to know both God and myself, as well as my relation to God, apart (as well as within) what I have been taught, what I (supposedly) understand, and what I have and do experience. I find the evangelical culture and mores with which I've identified my spirituality for years (even after I determined several years ago that my belief in Christ is genuine and not merely passive or due to my upbringing) rather wanting. I don't mind, for the time being, calling myself an evangelical still--well, scratch that. I'm not going to go around using that to describe myself. Christian will be fine. It's nice and basic.

As I've mentioned, I'm going through something of a crisis of faith. I have a lot of these, but this one is particularly intense, and I would say critical. I also don't see it ending anytime soon. But I see it as an adventure (as opposed to a bleak, intense spiritual torment, like it felt a while ago). I'm exploring and reevaluating everything: the Bible, salvation, the atonement, Christ, morality, good and evil, God Himself... I think the question of this particular hour of my life is "What does this mean?"

I fancy myself an artist--chiefly of the literary variety. I write weird stories in the name of Jesus. I tend to have a dark and dry sense of humor. Sometimes I tend to be moralistic. Around conservatives I can seem rather liberal; around liberals I can seem quite conservative.

Oh, and I'm Black. For what that's worth.

I'm sure I'll reveal more stuff about myself as it comes to me.

I'll let my conscience, common sense, Muse, and the Holy Ghost be my guides as to what to and what not post here, and when.

I'm just starting this thing right now, so I don't reckon I'll be too insightful today, or for a while yet. But I look forward to the journey.

God Bless, Y'all,